On the first day of Christmas, my kitten ruined for me........ A batch of my special hand-print cookies. I had turned my back to grab the cookie sheet sitting on the stove. In that micro-second, Sara climbed onto the
table, poked her paw into the delightfully kneady mixture and, suddenly
off- balance, fell into the cookie dough. Net loss? Six cups of flour, four
cups of sugar, three sticks of butter.... Of course, it would have been
cheaper to remove the feline ingredient, pick out the hairs, and just
rename the recipe Paw Print Cookies.
On the second day of Christmas, my kitten accompanied me........ On a trip
to the vet clinic. Who knew that skinny curling ribbon has feline taste
appeal? I didn't. Damages: $28.00 for the office visit, $36.00 for anesthesia so
the veterinarian could take $55.00 X-rays in case Sara had taste-tested any
other Christmas decorations, and a heck of a lot of embarrassment when the
vet removed the 3' curly tail in slightly less than two seconds by tugging
at it with a pair of tweezers.
On the third
day of Christmas, my kitten wrecked for me........ 13
ornaments on my Christmas tree. My mistake was forgetting to chain the
decorations to the branches. My other error was leaving the room to go to
the bathroom while Sara feigned sleeping under the tree. How was I to know
she was actually measuring its climbing potential? Value of broken bulbs?
$7.50 plus tax.
On the fourth day of Christmas, my kitten broke for me........ A statue in
my Lenox Nativity. Would you believe two Wise men plus a head? Lenox
nativity figurines: $55.99.
On the fifth
day of Christmas, my kitten scratched for me........ The kid
across the street who collects for charity. It was an accident. She merely
wanted to reach out and touch someone. Unfortunately, she used a unsheathed
claw to do so. I settled out-of-court for the cost of a jacket to replace
the boy's blood stained one and a hefty donation to the charity of their
choice. Although the amount must remain secret according to our settlement,
let me put it this way. You haven't seen many soldiers for the Salvation
Army this year, have you? Think: Major Windfall!
On the sixth
day of Christmas, my kitten opened for me........ The presents
beneath my Christmas tree. It was only two, really. While doing some early
shopping at a discount store, I purchased a catnip mouse for Sara's
stocking. Apparently, anything in the same bag as catnip takes on its
potent aroma for a very long time. Replacement costs: $3.99 for another
roll of Christmas wrapping paper, $4.50 for two empty boxes, $1 each for
the kind of bows Sara can't unravel.
On the seventh day of Christmas, my kitten lost for me........ The earrings
I bought for my sister Mary. Actually, it was one earring but since Mary
doesn't have a hole in her nose or navel, a pair of matching earrings does
make a more appealing gift. Sale price: $29.95 plus tax.
On the eighth day of Christmas, my kitten helped me........ Replace my E
and G guitar strings. Would you believe a kitten could fit into the
itty-bitty hole in the center
of my Yamaha guitar? Neither could I, but
Sara thought so. And she succeeded once she got those rascally strings out
of the way. Unfortunately, her little rear end couldn't get out the way I
came in. After paying through the whiskers for her previous escapades, I
would have been willing to leave her in the guitar for the duration of the
holiday season, except that she chose to get stuck two hours before I was
due at the nursing home for our annual Christmas carol sing-a-long. Set of
steel guitar strings: $12.95; jar of petroleum jelly: 79¢.
On the ninth
day of Christmas, my kitten destroyed for me........ My
Christmas card list when she walked across my computer's delete key. Cost
for call to Computer Country's 900/help line: $17.50. And I still don't
know what happened to the listings of B through H.
On the tenth
day of Christmas, my kitten hid from me........ The remote
control from my 13-inch TV. This wouldn't be such a disaster if she hadn't
previously stolen the power knob. I missed a week's worth of Christmas
specials, including my all-time favorite, "It's a Wonderful Life." Rental
of "It's a Wonderful Life": $2.00; purchase of book, "Good owners, great
cats": $24.95. Unfortunately, it never mentions the psychological profile
of kittens with kleptomania.
On the eleventh day of Christmas, my kitten ate for me........ The
drumsticks off my 19-pound turkey. OK, OK, So this one time it was my
fault. I knew I never should have uttered those now infamous words: "Your
first turkey, Sara. Want to try just a little piece?" Cost: Christmas
On the twelfth day of Christmas........ Sara rested. And so, thank goodness,
did my VISA card.
Please send *MOLLEE* your favorites for the Kitty Korner.