clear icon  


Upon entering the little country store, the stranger noticed a sign saying "DANGER! BEWARE OF DOG!" posted on the glass door. Inside he noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor besides the cash register.

He asked the store manager, "Is THAT the dog folks are supposed to beware of?"

"Yep, that's him," he replied.

The stranger couldn't help but be amused. "That certainly doesn't look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?"

"Because," the owner replied, "before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him."

Back to the top


blue bar


"If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went."
clear icon--Unknown

"The scientific name for an animal that doesn't either run from or fight its enemies is lunch."
clear icon-- Michael Friedman

"We give dogs time we can spare, space we can spare and love we can spare. And in return, dogs give us their all. It's the best deal man has ever made"
clear icon-- M. Facklam

"Dogs love their friends and bite their enemies, quite unlike people, who are incapable of pure love and always have to mix love and hate."
clear icon-- Sigmund Freud

"The reason a dog as so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue."
clear icon-- Anonymous

"Dogs need to sniff the ground; it's how they keep abreast of current events. The ground is a giant dog newspaper, containing all kinds of late-breaking dog news items, which, if they are especially urgent, are often continued in the next yard."
clear icon-- Dave Barry

"Anybody who doesn't know what soap tastes like never washed a dog."
clear icon-- Franklin P. Jones

"If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise."
clear icon-- Unknown

"Never stand between a dog and the hydrant."
clear icon-- John Peers

"Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear."
clear icon-- Dave Barry

"I wonder what goes through his mind when he sees us peeing in his water bowl."
clear icon-- Penny Ward Moser

"A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down."
clear icon-- Robert Benchley

"No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that that he can hold his own in the conversation."
clear icon-- Fran Lebowitz

"I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult."
clear icon-- Rita Rudner

"My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to $3.00 a can. That's almost $21.00 in dog money."
clear icon-- Joe Weinstein

"Some days you're the dog, some days you're the hydrant."
clear icon-- Unknown

"Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful."
clear icon-- Ann Landers

"In order to keep a true perspective of one's importance, everyone should have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore him."
clear icon-- Dereke Bruce, Taipei, Taiwan

"There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face."
clear icon-- Ben Williams

"Cat's Motto: No matter what you've done wrong, always try to make it look like the dog did it."
clear icon-- Unknown

"A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself."
clear icon-- Josh Billings

"The average dog is a nicer person than the average person."
clear icon-- Andrew A. Rooney

"Whoever said you can't buy happiness forgot about puppies."
clear icon-- Gene Hill

"In dog years, I'm dead."
clear icon-- Unknown

"Outside of a dog, a book is probably man's best friend; inside of a dog, it's too dark to read."
clear icon-- Groucho Marx

"To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity of dogs."
clear icon-- Aldous Huxley, 1894, English Novelist

"Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives."
clear icon-- Sue Murphy

"I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven't got the guts to bite people themselves."
clear icon-- August Strindberg

"Ever consider what they must think of us? I mean, here we come back from a grocery store with the most amazing haul -- chicken, pork, half a cow. They must think we're the greatest hunters on earth!"
clear icon-- Anne Tyler

"If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have known will go to heaven, and very, very few persons."
clear icon-- James Thurber

"You enter into a certain amount of madness when you marry a person with pets."
clear icon-- Nora Ephron

"Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in."
clear icon -- Mark Twain

"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea."
clear icon-- Robert A. Heinlein

"Of all the things I miss from veterinary practice, puppy breath is one of the most fond memories!"
clear icon-- Dr. Tom Cat

"When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem."
clear icon-- Edward Abbey

"Money will buy you a pretty good dog, but it won't buy the wag of his tail."
clear icon-- Unknown

"No one appreciates the very special genius of your conversation as the dog does."
clear icon-- Christopher Morley

"Man is a dog's idea of what God should be."
clear icon-- Holbrook Jackson, 1874, English Journalist

"He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion."
clear icon-- Unknown

"If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man."
clear icon-- Mark Twain

"Things that upset a terrier may pass virtually unnoticed by a Great Dane."
clear icon-- Smiley Blanton

"I've seen a look in dogs' eyes, a quickly vanishing look of amazed contempt, and I am convinced that basically dogs think humans are nuts."
clear icon-- John Steinbeck

"Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you? But when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window!"
clear icon-- Steve Bluestone

"Life is like a dogsled team. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes."
clear icon-- Lewis Grizzard

"When you leave them in the morning, they stick their nose in the door crack and stand there like a portrait until you turn the key eight hours later."
clear icon-- Erma Bombeck

"The more I see of the depressing stature of people, the more I admire my dogs."
clear icon--Alphonse de Lamartine, 1790–1869 French Poet

"Revenge is often like biting a dog because the dog bit you."
clear icon--Austin O’Malley, 1858–1932, American Oculist.

"Histories are more full of examples of the fidelity of dogs than of friends"
clear icon--Alexander Pope, 1688-1744, English Poet.

"Man is an animal that makes bargains; no other animal does this--no dog exchanges bones with another."
clear icon--Adam Smith, 1723-1790, Scottish Politician, Economist.

"I know that dogs are pack animals, but it is difficult to imagine a pack of standard poodles...and if there was such a thing as a pack of standard poodles, where would they rove to? Bloomingdale's? "
clear icon--Yvonne Clifford, American actress

"The great pleasure of a dog is that you make a fool of yourself with him and not only will he not scold you, he will make a fool of himself too."
clear icon--Samuel Butler

"The pug is living proof that God has a sense of humor."
clear icon--Margot Kaufman, American writer

"God ... sat down for a moment when the dog was finished in order to watch it... and to know that it was good, that nothing was lacking, that it could not have been made better. "
clear icon--Rainer Maria Rilke

"Properly trained, a man can be dog's best friend."
clear icon--Corey Ford, American writer

"They never talk about themselves but listen to you while you talk about yourself, and keep up an appearance of being interested in the conversation."
clear icon--Jerome K. Jerome, English humorist

"Dogs are our link to paradise. They don't know evil or jealousy or discontent. To sit with a dog on a hillside on a glorious afternoon is to be back in Eden, where doing nothing was not boring -- it was peace."
clear icon--Milan Kundera

"The Airedale... an unrivaled mixture of brains, and clownish wit, the very ingredients one looks for in a spouse."
clear icon--Chip Brown, Connoisseur Magazine

Back to the top


Return to Dog HumorWelshie Asks; Dog Humor?space between WelshiesWelshie Asks; Pet Humor? Return to Pet Humor

For more dog humor, click on a number below.
red down arrowclear iconred down arrrow
1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10  11  12  13  14  15  16 
17  18  19  20  21  22  23  24  25  26  27  28  29
Got a great pet story or joke?
Please send *MOLLEE* your favorites
to put them on my Pet Humor Page.
Molly-shadow button

© 2008 All rights reserved. Nancee Belshaw. All rights reserved.