"If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where
"The scientific name for an animal that doesn't either run from or
fight its enemies is lunch."
-- Michael Friedman
"We give dogs time we can spare, space we can spare and love we can spare. And in return, dogs give us their all. It's the best deal man has ever made"
-- M. Facklam
"Dogs love their friends and bite their enemies,
quite unlike people, who are incapable of pure love
and always have to mix love and hate."
-- Sigmund Freud
"The reason a dog as so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue."
"Dogs need to sniff the ground; it's how they keep abreast of current events. The ground is a giant dog newspaper, containing all kinds of late-breaking dog news items, which, if they are especially urgent, are often continued in the next yard."
-- Dave Barry
"Anybody who doesn't know what soap tastes like never washed a dog."
-- Franklin P. Jones
"If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise."
"Never stand between a dog and the hydrant."
-- John Peers
"Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car,
in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in
-- Dave Barry
"I wonder what goes through his mind when he sees us peeing in his water
-- Penny Ward Moser
"A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three
times before lying down."
-- Robert Benchley
"No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless
absolutely certain that that he can hold his own in the conversation."
-- Fran Lebowitz
"I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious
-- Rita Rudner
"My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to $3.00 a
can. That's almost $21.00 in dog money."
-- Joe Weinstein
"Some days you're the dog, some days you're the hydrant."
"Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful."
-- Ann Landers
"In order to keep a true perspective of one's importance, everyone
should have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore
-- Dereke Bruce, Taipei, Taiwan
"There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your
-- Ben Williams
"Cat's Motto: No matter what you've done wrong, always try to make it
look like the dog did it."
"A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves
-- Josh Billings
"The average dog is a nicer person than the average person."
-- Andrew A. Rooney
"Whoever said you can't buy happiness forgot about
-- Gene Hill
"In dog years, I'm dead."
"Outside of a dog, a book is probably man's best
friend; inside of a dog, it's too dark to read."
-- Groucho Marx
"To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the
constant popularity of dogs."
-- Aldous Huxley, 1894, English Novelist
"Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives."
-- Sue Murphy
"I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven't got the guts to bite people themselves."
-- August Strindberg
"Ever consider what they must think of us? I mean,
here we come back from a grocery store with the most amazing haul -- chicken, pork, half a cow. They must think we're the greatest hunters on earth!"
-- Anne Tyler
"If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have known will go to heaven, and very, very few persons."
-- James Thurber
"You enter into a certain amount of madness when you marry a person with pets."
-- Nora Ephron
"Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and
your dog would go in."
-- Mark Twain
"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea."
-- Robert A. Heinlein
"Of all the things I miss from veterinary practice, puppy breath is one of the most fond memories!"
-- Dr. Tom Cat
"When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem."
-- Edward Abbey
"Money will buy you a pretty good dog, but it won't buy the wag of his tail."
"No one appreciates the very special genius of your conversation as the dog does."
-- Christopher Morley
"Man is a dog's idea of what God should be."
-- Holbrook Jackson, 1874, English Journalist
"He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion."
"If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man."
-- Mark Twain
"Things that upset a terrier may pass virtually unnoticed by a Great Dane."
-- Smiley Blanton
"I've seen a look in dogs' eyes, a quickly vanishing look of amazed contempt, and I am convinced that basically dogs think humans are nuts."
-- John Steinbeck
"Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you? But when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window!"
-- Steve Bluestone
"Life is like a dogsled team. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes."
"When you leave them in the morning, they stick their nose in the door crack and stand there like a portrait until you turn the key eight hours later."
"The more I see of the depressing stature of people, the more I admire my dogs."
--Alphonse de Lamartine, 1790–1869 French Poet
"Revenge is often like biting a dog because the dog bit you."
--Austin O’Malley, 1858–1932, American Oculist.
"Histories are more full of examples of the fidelity of dogs than of friends"
--Alexander Pope, 1688-1744, English Poet.
"Man is an animal that makes bargains; no other animal does this--no dog exchanges bones with another."
--Adam Smith, 1723-1790, Scottish Politician, Economist.
"I know that dogs are pack animals, but it is difficult to imagine a pack of standard poodles...and if there was such a thing as a pack of standard poodles, where would they rove to? Bloomingdale's? "
--Yvonne Clifford, American actress
"The great pleasure of a dog is that you make a fool of yourself with him and not only will he not scold you, he will make a fool of himself too."
"The pug is living proof that God has a sense of humor."
--Margot Kaufman, American writer
"God ... sat down for a moment when the dog was finished in order to watch it... and to know that it was good, that nothing was lacking, that it could not have been made better. "
--Rainer Maria Rilke
"Properly trained, a man can be dog's best friend."
--Corey Ford, American writer
"They never talk about themselves but listen to you while you talk about yourself, and keep up an appearance of being interested in the conversation."
--Jerome K. Jerome, English humorist
"Dogs are our link to paradise. They don't know evil or jealousy or discontent. To sit with a dog on a hillside on a glorious afternoon is to be back in Eden, where doing nothing was not boring -- it was peace."
"The Airedale... an unrivaled mixture of brains, and clownish wit, the very ingredients one looks for in a spouse."
--Chip Brown, Connoisseur Magazine
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