14. Invisibath -- The power to disappear at the first sound of
bath water
13. ViseHump -- The leg hump grip of steel
12. AquaField -- Immunity to bucket of cold water when
copulating in driveway
11. Skeetvision-- The ability to shoot laser beams from your
eyes to blast that damn Frisbee out of the sky
10. SuperBladder -- Loaded with Toxi-Urine -- One lift of the
leg and this town is mine!
  9. SquirrelFreeze
  8. AnalTelepathy/ButtSniffery -- Two powers which when
combined allow one to smell another dog's butt without
actually having to get up and move around.
  7. John-O-Matic -- Turns any toilet bowl into a punch bowl by
sheer force of will.
  6. ChuckSpeed -- Ability to catch that friggin' Wagon Train.
  5. Anti-Psych-Out -- Immunity to all that "fake throw"
nonsense.
  4. VacuCalm -- Utter self-control whenever the vacuum cleaner
is turned on.
  3. GucciTract -- An invincible digestive system that sustains
itself entirely on designer shoes.
  2. King Fido's Touch -- Everything you touch turns into crap

And the #1 Super Power Most Coveted by Dogs...

  1. DoberMorph -- Ability to change into a Doberman anytime
someone rolls up a newspaper.

A NEW BREED ~ DOG PEOPLE

DOG PEOPLE:

...are a special breed not usually recognized by the AKC.

...think everyone has dog crates in their living room.

...have messy houses yet their kennels are spotless.

...can always find a show catalog from somewhere within arm's
reach.

...have kids who know more about the "birds and the bees"
when they're five than most people know when they are 40.

...drive trucks, vans, and station wagons especially equipped
to haul dog crates.

...can never be reached on a weekend, they're usually at a
dog show.

...will drive 400 miles, spend $100 on gas, $200 on a motel
and $150 for meals to bring home a 35 cent ribbon.

...have kids who regard "bitch" as just another household
word.

...have lush, green, beautiful back yards and they've never
bought a bag of fertilizer.

...get up at 6 AM to walk the dogs, can be at ringside dressed
to kill at 8 AM, but have trouble getting to work on time.

...will usually give up the $150,000 home in the suburbs to
move to a shack on 10 acres so they can have a $150,000
kennel.

...never miss a closing date for entry fees, but pay the
mortgage 10 days late.

...had rather be audited by the IRS than investigated by
the AKC.

...use dog food bags for trash cans and 30 gallon trash cans
for dog food.

...talk for hours on the phone to another dog person in a
language known only to dog people.

...have parents who think they've lost their minds.

...have dog friends who think they are terrific.

...are crazy.

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