- I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when
he's on the toilet.
- The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff.
- I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm
lying under the coffee table.
- I will scootch my bottom along the grass to rid myself
- I will not roll my toys behind the fridge.
- I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE
entering the house.
- I will not drop soggy tennis balls in the underwear of
someone who is sitting on the toilet.
- I will not roll my head around in other animals' poop.
- I will not eat the cats' food, before or after they eat it.
- I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of
clean carpet in the house when I am about to throw up.
- I will not throw up in the car.
- I will not roll on dead birds, seagulls, fish, crabs, etc.
- I will not lick my human's face after eating animal poop.
- "Kitty box crunchies" are not food.
- I will not eat any more socks and then redeposit them in
the backyard after processing.
- The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.
- I will not wake Mommy up by sticking my cold, wet nose
up her bottom end.
- I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.
- I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red
ones, or my people will think I am hemorrhaging.
- When in the car, I will not insist on having the window
rolled down when it's raining outside.
- We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I
hear one on TV.
- I will not steal my Mom's underwear and dance all over
the backyard with it.
- The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mom & Dad's
- My head does not belong in the refrigerator, dishwasher
- I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for
Mom's driver's license and car registration.
- I will not spend more than 5 minutes trying to find the
"perfect" place to poop.
- I will not eat other animals' poop.
- I will not take off while on leash to chase squirrels while
Mommy is standing
on a slippery grass slope.
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