Grammar The Way It Should Be

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tiny purple ballWe'll begin with box, and the plural is boxes;
tiny purple ballBut the plural of ox should be oxen, not oxes.
tiny purple ballThen one fowl is goose, but two are called geese
tiny purple ballYet the plural of moose should never be meese.
tiny purple ballYou may find a lone mouse or a whole lot of mice,
tiny purple ballBut the plural of house is houses, not hice.
tiny purple ballIf the plural of man is always called men,
tiny purple ballWhen couldn't the plural of pan be called pen?
tiny purple ballThe cow in the plural may be cows or kine,
tiny purple ballBut the plural of vow is vows, not vine.
tiny purple ballAnd I speak of a foot, and you show me your feet,
tiny purple ballBut I give a boot - would a pair be called beet?
tiny purple ballIf one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
tiny purple ballWhy shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?
tiny purple ballIf the singular is this and plural is these,
tiny purple ballWhy shouldn't the plural of kiss be nicknamed kese?
tiny purple ballThen one may be that, and three may be those,
tiny purple ballYet the plural of hat would never be hose,
tiny purple ballWe speak of a brother, and also of brethren,
tiny purple ballBut though we say mother, we never say methren.
tiny purple ballThe masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
tiny purple ballBut imagine the feminine she, shis, and shim!
tiny purple ballSo our English, I think you will all agree,
tiny purple ballIs the trickiest language you ever did see.
tiny purple ballI take it you already know
tiny purple ballOf tough and bough and cough and dough?
tiny purple ballOthers may stumble, but not you
tiny purple ballOn hiccough, thorough, slough, and through?
tiny purple ballWell done! And now you wish, perhaps
tiny purple ballTo learn of less familiar traps?
tiny purple ballBeware of heard, a dreadful word
tiny purple ballThat looks like beard and sounds like bird.
tiny purple ballAnd dead; it's said like bed, not bead;
tiny purple ballFor goodness sake, don't call it deed!
tiny purple ballWatch out for meat and great and threat,
tiny purple ball(They rhyme with suite and straight and debt)
tiny purple ballA moth is not a moth in mother.
tiny purple ballNor both in bother, broth in brother.
tiny purple ballAnd here is not a match for there.
tiny purple ballAnd dear and fear for bear and pear.
tiny purple ballAnd then there's dose and rose and lose --
tiny purple ballJust look them up -- and goose and choose.
tiny purple ballAnd cork and work and card and ward,
tiny purple ballAnd font and front and word and sword.
tiny purple ballAnd do and go then thwart and cart.
tiny purple ballCome, come, I've hardly made a start.
tiny purple ballA dreadful language? Why, man alive,
tiny purple ballI'd learned to talk it when I was five,
tiny purple ballAnd yet to write it, the more I tried,
tiny purple ballWhy I hadn't learned it at fifty-five!

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