How Parents See Kids

A baby usually wakes up in the weewee hours of the morning.

A child will not spill on a dirty floor.

A young child is a noise with dirt on it.

A youth becomes a man when the marks he wants to leave on the

world have nothing to do with tires.

An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.

Avenge yourself; live long enough to be a problem to your children.

Celibacy is not hereditary.

Familiarity breeds children.

For adult education, nothing beats children.

God invented mothers because he couldn't be everywhere at once.

God invented guilt so mothers could be everywhere at once.

Having children is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain.

Having children will turn you into your parents.

If a child looks like his father, that's heredity; if he looks like a

neighbor, that's environment.

If you have trouble getting your children's attention, just sit down

and look comfortable.

Ill-bred children always display their pest manners.

It now costs more to amuse a child than it once did to educate his

father.

It rarely occurs to teenagers that the day will come when they'll

know as little as their parents.

Money isn't everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch.

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.

One child is often not enough, but two children can be far too many.

You can learn many things from children...like how much patience

you have.

Summer vacation is a time when parents realize that teachers are

grossly underpaid.

The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob

also turns to the left.

There are three ways to get things done:

1) Do it yourself

2) Hire someone to do it

3) Forbid your kids to do it

There would be fewer problems with children if they had to chop

wood to keep the television set going.

Those who say they "sleep like a baby" haven't got one.

The best thing to spend on your children is time.