Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Now
rub your hands in the wet
flowerbed and rub on the walls. Cover the stains
with crayons. Place a fish
stick behind the couch and leave it there all summer.
Obtain a 55-gallon box of Lego's. (If Lego's are
not available, you may
substitute roofing tacks or broken bottles.) Have
a friend spread them all
over the house. Put on a blindfold. Try to walk to
the bathroom or kitchen.
Do not scream. (This could wake a child at night.)
Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill halfway with
water. Suspend from the
ceiling with a stout cord. Start the jug swinging.
Try to insert spoonfuls
of soggy cereal (such as Fruit Loops or Cheerios)
into the mouth of the jug,
while pretending to be an airplane. Now dump the
contents of the jug on the floor.
Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus. Stuff
into a small net bag making
sure that all arms stay inside.
Grocery Store Test
Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best)
and take them with you as
you shop at the grocery store. Always keep them in
sight and pay for anything they eat or damage.
Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it
with 8 - 12 pounds of
sand. Soak it thoroughly in water. At 8:00 P.M.
begin to waltz and hum with
the bag until 9:00 P.M. Lay down your bag and set
your alarm for 10:00 P.M.
Get up, pick up your bag, and sing every song you
have ever heard. Make
up about a dozen more and sing these too until 4:00
A.M. Set alarm for 5:00 A.M.
Get up and make breakfast. Keep this up for 5
years. Look cheerful.
Physical Test (Women)
Obtain a large beanbag chair and attach it to the
front of your clothes.
Leave it there for 9 months. Now remove 10 of the
Physical Test (Men)
Go to the nearest drug store. Set your wallet on
the counter. Ask the clerk
to help himself. Now proceed to the nearest food
store. Go to the head office
and arrange for your paycheck to be directly
deposited to the store.
Purchase a newspaper. Go home and read it quietly
for the last time.
Find a couple who already has a small child.
Lecture them on how they can
improve their discipline, patience, tolerance,
toilet training, and
child's table manners. Suggest many ways they can improve.
Emphasize to them that
they should never allow their children to run
riot. Enjoy this experience.
It will be the last time you will have all the