People are always on the lookout for a new diet. The trouble with most
diets is that you don't get enough to eat (the starvation diet), you
don't get enough variation (the liquid diet) or you go broke (the
all-meat diet). Consequently, people tend to cheat on their diets,
or quit after 3 days.
Well, now there's the new Toddler Miracle Diet.
Over the years you may have noticed that most two year olds are trim.
Now the formula to their success is available to all in this new diet.
You may want to consult your doctor before embarking on this diet,
otherwise, you may be seeing him afterwards. Good Luck !!!
Breakfast: One scrambled egg, one piece of toast with grape jelly.
Eat two bites of egg, using your fingers; dump the rest on the floor.
Take one bite of toast, then smear the jelly over your face and cloth.
Lunch: Four crayons (any color), a handful of potato chips, and a
glass of milk (three sips only, then spill the rest).
Dinner: A dry stick, two pennies and a nickel, four sips of flat Sprite.
Bedtime snack: Throw a piece of toast on the kitchen floor.
Breakfast: Pick up stale toast from kitchen floor and eat it. Drink
half bottle of vanilla extract or one vial of vegetable dye.
Lunch: Half tube of "Pulsating Pink" lipstick and a handful of Purina DogChow (any flavor). One ice cube, if desired.
Afternoon snack: Lick an all-day sucker until sticky, take outside,
drop in dirt. Retrieve and continue slurping until it is clean again. Then bring inside and drop on rug.
Dinner: A rock or an uncooked bean, which should be thrust up your left
nostril. Pour Grape Kool-Aid over mashed potatoes; eat with spoon.
Breakfast: Two pancakes with plenty of syrup, eat one with fingers, rub
in hair. Glass of milk; drink half, stuff other pancake in glass. After
breakfast, pick up yesterday's sucker from rug, lick off fuzz, put it on
the cushion of best chair.
Lunch: Three matches, peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Spit several bites
onto the floor. Pour glass of milk on table and slurp up.
Dinner: Dish of ice cream, handful of potato chips, some red punch. Try to
laugh some punch through your nose, if possible.
Breakfast: A quarter tube of toothpaste (any flavor), bit of soap, an
olive. Pour a glass of milk over bowl of cornflakes, add half a cup of
sugar. Once cereal is soggy, drink milk and feed cereal to dog.
Lunch: Eat bread crumbs off kitchen floor and dining room carpet. Find
that sucker and finish eating it.
Dinner: Drop pieces of spaghetti onto back of dog, insert meatball into
ear. Dump pudding into Kool-Aid and suck up with a straw.
REPEAT DAYS AS NEEDED!